So I’m finally home!! I think that was definitely the most all nighters I’ve had in a week that didnt involve watching anime or dramas or akb vids…
Well we build a very beautiful house.. I bet the architect/designer was very proud of themselves, but the construction workers mustve wanted to kill themselves.
will upload a picture of it tomorrow, right now i have to do these spreads and put info and shit on…
I made some very cool friends this week at least, and used so much money on just food and water for a few nights..
in other news MY SKE HISTORY BOOK FINALLY ARRIVED!!! and so did my Choco Dorei but I dont have time to go pick it up till tuesday… :(
For the past few days, seems like I’ve lost the ability to care and do anything..
I’ve been sitting here doing nothing for ages, not even trying finish chp 3 n 4 of tricks..
sleeps getting worse.. I cant fall asleep when I want to and if I do fall asleep I dont wanna wake up…
the pain in my back wont go away… but thats been there a whle.. just not wanting to do anything
I think I’ve just had enough of everything.. seriously..
Earlier today I just annoyed the hell outta my friends until the point one of them threatened to the burn my house down :/
and honestly I don’t care… in the process if I die it won’t affect the world in any way. If I live.. well that’s what I’m hoping not to happen actually.
Usually when I do annoy my friends I feel bad about it, and I do stop. Today I just felt like being the asshole for once. The guy who interrupts you while you’re talking. The guy who makes fun of how bad you are at something. You know? Some times it actually hurts when you get ignored, when you are never taken seriously.
As of now I just want to do something I want to do. But I know I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of that. Kinda sucks how the world revolves around money. Well if I ever come up with a good enough plan to kill myself and make it look like an accident I’ll probably not be able to let you guys know. First of all because I’ll probably be dead. Second cause nobody would even care, and third no one even follows this blog but Abby, and I’m sure she probably wont even scroll far enough to see these when I’m posting in the middle of the night.
The mind works in funny ways..
I wonder how many times I’ve thought over this… and I don’t know how much I actually want this. But most of the time it feels like it would be for the best..
Since I dont really play a huge part in anything, like a disposable character in a game…
the black guy who dies first in all the movies..
that character that shows up everywhere but never gets a featured episode in a drama…
I’m like a rook on a chessboard. My paths are laid out for me. it may seem to be stronger than a pawn. But it is not. Pawns have the potential to become greater pieces.
and this is what I meant why I said I dont trust any of my friends.
They always do this, we plan shit, they say they gona do something, they got you back or watever. But they don’t take the time out to tell you that something came up, that they cant make it. Instead they ignore you. They pretend to not hear you until you fucking confront them about it. and they just say “oh you didnt say anything” or “well I’m busy” and apparently that solves all the god dam problems in the world.
Every dam time I trust them, I get so excited, so happy that we could fucking chill. cause you never know when or where one of us just might not be here anymore. I mean, if you dont want to do something just say it. HAVE SOME FUCKING BALLS AND SAY IT. Dont beat around the bush and ignore it, and then when it gets in your face just make other people feel bad for forcing you or even asking you to go.
you know what. fuck this I’m not gona get my hopes up on anything anymore. fuck it. if you want to go do something do it yourself. If you get in shit dont expect me to have your back. Cause right now, none of you deserves it.
Being an impulsive buyer makes me get a lot of things I dont really need, but would love to play with for a few hours.
However recently because of quite some sad shit going on, I’ve been rage shopping online for AKB stuff and it’s really starting to damage now.. Keeping it below $1000, I think I might be using more than I can afford since I still have to save money for christmas, school fees for next semester, and also my lunches/dinners.
But good news is, Ive gotten some old cds, new cds, some custom T-shirts which I will take a picture of when they arrive and a Gekikara jacket cosplay which the kind wolkenprinzessin had shown me where to get.
but sad thing is the Gekikara jacket and other items were quite expensive including shipping.. and it’s been just over a month now and they still havent arrived and the person who was shipping it is not replying my emails. D:
so I am not sad and broke and I dont even have my items… what to do now?
yes you guessed it, I am going to cry.
had a high fever yesterday and trusted my partners to finish our project… worst idea ever!!
They couldnt even put in all the important shit in that I told them, but they put in the really unimportant stuff. Sighh I guess this was the best they could do.. only one guy worked too.. the other is just shit.
I don’t even believe they past high school, I mean they are literally the laziest and stupidest people ever…
They better fucking pay me back something good for getting at least 80% of it done myself while being sick.
I was so glad my class was cancelled today…
Finally a break from school work after trying so hard to catch up. It’s almost like I just gave up the the rest of the work…
I was suppose to relax and enjoy today catching up on AKB. Just one day is all I wanted…
I know I’m being selfish here but seriously Yuka.. you picked the worst day to give the announcement. I’m still not over Kumi’s announcement, I’ve lost someone very important to me and now this.. This whole month is just emotionally killing me here.
But if this is what you wish, I hope the best for you and I hope I don’t break.